dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
