his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
