I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
