Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
