woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
