i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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