You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
