I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
