I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
