so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
