I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
