Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
