I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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