yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
