Your dad touched me again.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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