She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
