i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was confusing and full of hummus
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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