There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
