He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
