I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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