idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
