My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
