I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
