PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
