The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
