Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
