My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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