i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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