Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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