my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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