I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
