In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
