He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
