you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
there is glitter all over my balls
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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