I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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