im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
