The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
