Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sober January is a disaster.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
