I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
