Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
