dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
