We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
