i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
