My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
