theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
