My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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