Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
