We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
