Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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