I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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