in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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