I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
