I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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