I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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