How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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