dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
