I'm really into asian looking animals
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I did not marry a roomba.
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