i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
