Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
